~ °Café de Terrasse° ~

The thoughts of an odd duck who sits alone in a night cafe, with a stylo in his right, a journal in his left, a valise under his chaise, a tasse on the table, and plenty of time to pass.

~ Salut! Come and join me at Table #12 |Leaving so soon? Ecrivez-Moi! ~

As of right now, patrons have patronized me. I feel...

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~ samedi, mai 28, 2005 ~

I am officially on Sabbatical! That is, for the next three days, I will not worry about classes, I will not be tour guiding, and most importantly, I am taking a vacation from the Newman Center. Last night, I did my superintendent duties and when I left, I decided not to return until Monday or Tuesday. I probably will not be talking to any Newman-affiliated people until Monday or Tuesday. It's wasn't easy beginning this break. I had to ease myself into it. I cancelled plans to Lake Tahoe, turned down invitations to Fresno, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Seattle. I've been swayed from Sabbatical plans before but I'm sticking to it this time! I'm not answering my mobile device except between the hours of midnight and noon. I am relaxed. The weather has cooled a bit, the home environment is tranquil. So far so good.

~Benjamin 5/28/2005 11:52:00 AM

~ lundi, mai 23, 2005 ~

life is soo confusing. I am soo confused! I really hate not understanding myself... I'm like a stranger. I can't see where I'm going, why I'm doing what I'm doing, and why I feel the ways I do. I don't have any real problems like other people... in fact, life is pretty good to me. I have a loving family, supportive friends, and the awesome God. I just wish I could experience the fullness of it all. So many things have happened in the past few months and I should've learned from them but instead, I've ignored them. Somebody once said that it's a defense mechanism type thing. She's probably right.
I haven't had a very extensive history of leadership experience. I've never even come close to a real relationship. I've never worked a real job before.
It's been a long while since I've taken a break or a vacation for myself. I really miss taking evening walks along the mountains, reading novels in bed with a glass of wine and smooth music in the background, watching classique monochrome films late at night, sitting by water fountains on cloudy afternoons with a few pennies in my pocket while writing in my journal, lounging in cafés with a cappuccino while watching people, I really miss perfect moments like that. I miss trying out new recipes with sweet herbs in the oven, picking out various fruits and vegetables at the producerie, browsing through antique shoppes on warm afternoons, and picking sweet scented flowers to place in small vases and old teaboxes. I miss sitting on my roof with a portable radio playing oldies while I sang along as drivers passed by in their cars and wondered, "who is that guy?" They always wondered it for me and I never wondered the answer to that question until now.

~Benjamin 5/23/2005 01:51:00 AM

En memoire de Floy Catabas (1932-2002)