~ °Café de Terrasse° ~

The thoughts of an odd duck who sits alone in a night cafe, with a stylo in his right, a journal in his left, a valise under his chaise, a tasse on the table, and plenty of time to pass.
~ Salut! Come and join me at Table #12 |Leaving so soon? Ecrivez-Moi! ~
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~ jeudi, mars 30, 2006 ~

I've been so lazy with updates lately... but you haven't been missing much in the life of benjamin. Not much has happened. Although if there was only some way that I could chart my emotional state of the past 2 weeks, you'd see how erratic it has been. Severe mood swings, IMS, and bleh bleh bleh.. it hasn't been pleasant.

Take a short moment right now and answer the following question in exactly 3 words: How do you feel?
Me: anxious, nonchalant, jealous.

I'm sick of thinking about girls.. err one particular girl in particular rather. Maybe that's what made me sick during the last few days... thinking too much. Some of you know what it's like to be a prisoner of your own thoughts. totally bites.

Another problem on my mind- and one that's probably bigger: I think I'm slowly losing my faith. I haven't been feeding my spirituality in a while and I blame myself. No wait, what am I talking about? I blame Newman. Goodness, I mean, I love Newman to death... but that doesn't seem too far off now. I've fallen into sooo much sin over the past few days.. if you knew the things I did, thought, said, and felt, I think you would gouge out my eyes with a hot spoon and pour hot wax down my ear. I feel so ashamed. I've broken so many commandments and fallen into the deadly sins... Perhaps it's time that I go to confession. Maybe all this is a sign. I fear the good Lord is testing me.
In my nonchalance, I don't feel like doing anything. I don't feel like going to class. I don't feel like staying home. I don't feel like going to Newman. I don't feel like going to Mass. I don't feel like talking to anybody, and I don't feel like caring what other people think.

Wait, this isn't fair.. everythings so gosh darned negative.. let me try to balance it all out by saying something positive about my life right now...
Let's see...
Ohh, I'm getting into Calligraphy and writing art again.. soo much fun. It's soo exciting but I need to build up my kit.. it's gonna be awesome.

I'm going to down to Southern California tomorrow for the Catholic Religious Education Conference in Anaheim. Should be a good time. We'll see.

I'm tired. Goodnight.

~Benjamin 3/30/2006 12:37:00 AM

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En memoire de Floy Catabas (1932-2002)