~ °Café de Terrasse° ~

The thoughts of an odd duck who sits alone in a night cafe, with a stylo in his right, a journal in his left, a valise under his chaise, a tasse on the table, and plenty of time to pass.

~ Salut! Come and join me at Table #12 |Leaving so soon? Ecrivez-Moi! ~

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~ samedi, avril 08, 2006 ~

Right now I'm trying to sleep in a small room with 3 people who moan and groan in their sleep.. it's disturbing. Every so often [like right now], I hear "ughnnnn" & "owwwmmm"... like there's something hurting them.. I wonder if I talk to them if they will answer back.
...hehe, nope.. but May Anne almost woke up.
Anyway, I can't sleep so I'm watching Independence Day the movie and I've decided to blog once again about the stuff on my mind.
So this girl is one thing, but the other big thing in my head is discernment. Religious Vocation. I've been praying to ask God how I was meant to Love.. and I'm considering exploring any calling I may be receiving towards becoming a Carmelite friar. Not that it's as simple as that. I need to grow in my faith- I've been weak. But the more I pray the more confused I become. I think I really need to talk to a spiritual advisor. I'm confused and wary but I'm sure that the good Lord is leading me somewhere.. I just wish I knew where.
So a few days ago, I said it:
"Deacon Clark & Staff, unless there is a necessity next year for my ministry as a social justice coordinator, I do not plan on re-applying for the staff position again. I feel I am being called to minister elsewhere."
I pray for many blessings on the Newman Center as it seeks to find well-qualified & divinely-inspired brothers and sisters who are called to serve on Staff. May the Lord guide the decision-making process and I wish the best of blessings on our campus ministry.

~Benjamin 4/08/2006 03:25:00 AM

~ jeudi, avril 06, 2006 ~

I hate to be saying this but there's still a young lady who makes it very difficult for me to move on and I don't know if things will ever get back to normal. I hate how I can't be my total self in front of her.. I never was.. and that's probably what screwed stuff up. This is the question that really gets to me: Did things not work out because the Lord didn't allow it? Or did they not work out because of my own doing? In other words, is this the will of God or my own fault?
I would rather this be God's will.. at least then I'll know that I didn't screw up my future.
Jacqueline says to give it some time.. I could do that. No wait, give what some time? I don't even know what I'm waiting for.. except normalcy. That's all I want.. things to be cool again.. where I like everybody and I don't have to worry about how I look in front of anybody and I don't have to feel all awkward seeing certain people.

I'm verry quite embarassed right now. This is just a load o' mushy gushy stuff.. bleck.. Should I be ashamed for the way I feel or should I accept it because I'm definitely embarassed.
Perhaps I've got some serious emotional maturing to do.

~Benjamin 4/06/2006 07:52:00 PM

En memoire de Floy Catabas (1932-2002)