~ °Café de Terrasse° ~

~ mardi, juillet 11, 2006 ~

I'm especially glad to be Filipino right now. I just pan-seared a smoked bangus (milkfish) and ate it with steamed jasmine rice. For sawsawan (dip), I chopped up some ripe tomatoes and cilantro, then mixed it with bagoong alamang (shrimp paste). Then, I added some fresh-squeezed lime juice and patis (fish sauce). Ooh it was sooo good.. dang.. imagine if I wasn't born Southeast Asian, I would be missing out on this!!
I'm having a bit of trouble explaining how I eat to the roommates.. they just see a bottle of fish sauce in my cabinet, smell it, and think, "disgusting." One of them tried to throw out my shrimp paste because he thought it was spoiled.. I tried to explain that it was supposed to smell that way and he was like, "are you sure? how do you know?" hahaha
Ken is more understanding because he's Chinese and our foods aren't totally different. Yesterday, Ken & I had the most difficult time explaining to Michael that back home, we eat rice just about everyday and the only thing that changes is the viand (another concept that's difficult to comprehend for non-Asian cultures.
In Filipino, it's called ulam.
In Malaysian, it's called lauk.
In Indonesian, it's called lauk-pauk.
In Cantonese, it's called soong.
In Teochew, it' called kiam.
In Japanese, it's called okazu.
In Korean, it's called bahnchan.
In Indian, it's called kari.
In Thai, it's called gap khao.
Hawaiians would understand it as iina'i.
And in English, it's viand from the Spanish vianda.
All these words refer to the side dish that we eat with rice as the main dish. Viands can be meat or vegetable dishes and they make the rice-eating experience savory and delicious.
Rice is soo important in Asian culture.. When I went back home last Summer, I remember my grandmother asking me what I was eating in college. When she found out I didn't eat rice everyday, her eyes widened and she told me, "Bat (but) we are Pilipinos! How ken (can) you lib (live) like dat (that)!?" I then explained to her that it was ok because I grew up in the states and eating pizza or sandwiches for a meal was fine.
There's a saying in Indonesian, "Kalau belum makan nasi, belum makan." or "If you haven't eaten rice, you haven't eaten." It's quite true.

Oh, and eating viands without rice is like a sin in our cultures. The Tagalog word "papak" means just that. When I was a kid, my mom would catch me eating chicken without rice and say, "Hoy! huwag mong papakin!" which roughly translates to "Hey! Don't eat that without rice!"
Indonesians have a similar concept when they say, "Makan juga nasimu! Jangan menggado lauk saja!" just like the Cantonese would say, "Sik sung mmm sik fan!"

Anyway, now I'm just showing off some phrases from some of the languages I'm learning. The point of this whole post is that rice is awesome.
What's that you say? Noodles? Well, that's a whole nother story.. and a whole nother post. I've gotta go.. all this talk has made me hungry again..

~Benjamin 7/11/2006 11:12:00 PM

ARGHH.. I NEED A BREAK!! I WANT TO GET AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE!!!
I love my friends and apt-mates but I AM GOING CRAZY.
Freakin Ken and Emil are good people and awesome roomies but they are irritating me.. and I feel bad for feeling like this.
I'm sick of everyday routine! Everyday it's freakin wake up, go downstairs, Ken and Emil are either in class/work or playing the freakin maple story online computer game.. which IS SOOO NOT MY CUP OF TEA.
I wanna go out with people and take a walk or maybe go to church, or go dancing, or window shopping, or café lounging, or or what not.. but I guess I don't share those interests with anybody I live with. I want to go antiquing and I'd like to walk through a museum... I'd like to go to a vineyard or orchard and go fruit picking.. I want to dress up in our best clothing and stroll in the evening.. which I did recently.
OH MY GOODNESS.. that's the other thing.. A few nights ago, I went out for a night time promenade with a friend but we both dressed up for it because I said that I miss going for walks in the ol' neighborhood wearing my Sunday best.. and I didn't want to tell anybody because it'd be too much to explain.. freakin roommies already think I'm weird.. and now they won't let it go.. they pull out the card that says I never invite them anywhere... when I do but I don't feel the need to call their phones each individually because I freakin live with these motherheckers. And freakin, that's the other thing.. I've invited them individually in the past and THEY DON'T GO.. salsa dancing, or to chill at Newman. The reason why it seems like I hang out with a lot of people is because I meet them at freakin Newman.. I spent my days there chillin and if people wanted to hang, all they had to do was come to Newman like I'd been saying.. you don't need an invitation to go to Newman!! My freakin "posse" is made up of people who chill at newman.. shish! And most of the time, we didn't do much or go anywhere.. we chilled at newman, went to a restaurant for a meal, then came back and chilled some more.. just talking and stuff.

Ok, I want to meet new people. I want to get involved in new things. Newman is like squeezing me and it's suffocating... like I don't have room to breathe and I'm soooooooooooo thankful that St. James is around becauz I feel like I can retreat to St. James and go to Mass there and there's no responsibility and it's nice and more formal and refreshing and I can just pray without being disturbed. I don't even like the name NEWMAN right now. It sounds like a freakin hippo squinting his eyes in a Hawaiian shirt sweating like crazy and wearing flip flops that flappity flap flap flap.. did I ever tell you I don't like the sound that flip flops make? If you ever notice, when i wear flipflops, I try hard not to make that sound.. flap flap flap flap.. ughhhh.. it sounds like big mushy feet pitter pattering dead flat on blubbery buttocks.

I AM IN THE MOST IRRITATED MOOD RIGHT NOW. Freakin A. I almost cussed a few minutes ago but held my tongue. I just came back from Mass a few hours ago.. and it was soooo beautiful and the choir sounded so angelic.. an incredible experience. I stopped by the chapel on the way home and purificated a vessel and lit the sanctuary candle.. and it felt wonderful to be alone in that dark sacred space with no sound but the clinking of chalices and no light except for the flicker of the pure white candle. I think that's all I have to remember.. and it calms me and sooothes me.. and it's like I could hear the voice of the Lord in the burning bougie and see Him in the crystal splinkral of the Holy Cruet. le sigh*

I had a long conversation with Trisha last night.. it was nice. I can't wait to be with her in August. I really miss her.. being with her, looking into her eyes, seeing her smile and laugh.. I wake up every morning and her pillows are next to me and there's the faint scent of her shampoo. Ooh, let me tell you, it's better than Folgers in the morning. And I miss praying with her.. asking Mother Mary to intercede for us.. they say those who pray together stay together.. families, friends, couples..

I'm trying to take better care of myself this Summer.. I'm drinking more water, exercising every day, eating less salt, increasing my potassium intake, eating more fish and fruits and vegetables, increasing my food intake all together, gaining weight, muscle, and guess what? My pee is clear and copious.
I'm eating out less and cooking more and trying new foods... soon I'm going to try new recipes.
My wallet is happy because I'm shopping less, exhibiting self-control. I'm also studying more, writing my papers semi-early, finishing my readings for class, and raising my hand to answer the professor's questions.
My prayer life is about the same, unfortunately.. but I'm going to try to go to some daily Mass and really make a greater effort to pray my scapular prayers.
I'm doing all my chores in the apartment and even a little extra. I'm keeping myself busy, chatting with old friends from high school who I haven't spoken to in years!
I'm reading about liturgy and how to be more assertive.. THIS IS ALL ME ON THE PATH TO SELF-IMPROVEMENT.
Unfortunately, what's suffering is my relationship with roommates, and with Newman friends. It's because I need a break from them. I love them.. I'm just having difficulty showing it because I'm tired.. I really am. I still want to hang out with all of them but I just need a break of some sort from doing the same ol' same ol' with them... because sometimes it's in absence from loved ones that we realize what we most love about them.
Oh, you guys are probably wondering about Michael Capata.. "Isn't he ben's roommie too?" Yeah he is, but something about him is proving inspiring.. I'll never tell the motherhecker that.. but it's relieving sometimes to see somebody studying or to speak to somebody seriously about religion.

I thought I wasn't going to post feelings on this blog anymore but when ya gotta vent and nobody's around to vent to except the people you want to vent about.. well then this is the space to do it.. then again, the Lord is a wonderful listener too.. hrmm.. I probably should've tried that before posting this. =/

~Benjamin 7/09/2006 09:46:00 PM