~ °Café de Terrasse° ~

The thoughts of an odd duck who sits alone in a night cafe, with a stylo in his right, a journal in his left, a valise under his chaise, a tasse on the table, and plenty of time to pass.

~ Salut! Come and join me at Table #12 |Leaving so soon? Ecrivez-Moi! ~

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~ samedi, juillet 08, 2006 ~

None of my Filipino friends over here know how to swim..

Leah: Can you swim Ben?
Me: No.. not really.. a little bit but not very well. Can you?
Leah: No. Can Rowena swim?
Me: No.. and she's from Hawaii. I don't know if Arnell swims either.
Ken: What the hell? You people all come from an island surrounded by water!
Me: Yeah, well we ended up on that island because we got stuck there.

I wanna go "swimming".. I can't find my bathing suit though.. I think I left it at home. sux.
Maybe I'll go down to the Greystone pool at 4:12am when nobody's around to see me skinny dip... eh, if anybody's around, i'll give em somethin to look at. I got a fun noodle for ya right here..
Oh goodness, I am in a weird mood right now.. I've been hangin around ken too much lately. Freakin Ken.

Anyway, I've been thinking: What if I moved to North Carolina? That way, I can get a whole bunch of Venus Fly Traps and kill the stupid flies outside. How bout it Sanjj? We'll trade places. You live here, I'll live there.. we'll live everywhere but near.

I must be drunk.
.. not on alcohol.
On love.
.. nahh..
On hot air.

~Benjamin 7/08/2006 02:54:00 AM

~ mercredi, juillet 05, 2006 ~

I praise and thank the Lord everyday for her because she is such a blessing in my life. I really miss talking to her and hugging her and just being with her... it feels like a long while since we've talked but I guess this is a test of our relationship from the Lord.
Lately, my ulcer-inducing mind has been tampering with the idea that, what if I care about her more than she does about me? If this is so, then this is all new. I admit, I'm used to having it the other way around but now, I've finally found someone who I truly care about. It's soo early in the relationship to be feeling like this. Things are going well though.
I was wondering... if ultimate love involves sacrifice, the way Jesus sacrificed His life for us, am I willing to sacrifice my life for my love? I don't know. Would I sacrifice my life for my family? Would I sacrifice my life for my girlfriend? Would I sacrifice my life for my friends? Would I sacrifice my life for myself? Would I sacrifice my life for God? Sacrificing my life doesn't necessarily mean dying.. but in other words, maybe I'm asking myself.. would I be willing to change for the better and leave behind a life of darkness in order to truly love? I am ready to say yes.
Yet, they say that there is such a thing as loving too much. It's loving too much that makes us weak lovers. It's loving too much that makes us weak people. It's loving too much that makes us just as bad as loving too little. This is true. True love cannot be overdone. If we find ourselves loving too much, then it wasn't love in the first place.. it was passion or loneliness or self-righteousness or infatuation.
Love is a choice. We may not be able to choose to like, but we do choose to love. I find more and more that I am willing to give my life to love because God wills that we Love. A few months ago, Trisha sent grippa people her realization of what Love is. Before that, Andie also told me about what true love is. As much as they've told me what love is, there is nothing quite like realizing it and discovering it for yourself. That's what's special. That's why I am thanking the Lord for giving me the choice to Love and blessing me with Love in return. I haven't totally realized Love yet but I'm getting very close.
Inshallah I shall know it. Inshallah I shall feel it. Inshallah I shall choose it. Inshallah Mashallah.

wow.. I totally had some serious venting to do when I started this post but it totally changed into something else.. Praise the Lord!

~Benjamin 7/05/2006 10:20:00 PM

En memoire de Floy Catabas (1932-2002)