~ °Café de Terrasse° ~

The thoughts of an odd duck who sits alone in a night cafe, with a stylo in his right, a journal in his left, a valise under his chaise, a tasse on the table, and plenty of time to pass.

~ Salut! Come and join me at Table #12 |Leaving so soon? Ecrivez-Moi! ~

As of right now, patrons have patronized me. I feel...

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~ dimanche, décembre 03, 2006 ~

OFF TO THE SEMINARY

I visited St. Patrick's seminary with a few friends yesterday.. it was a wonderful trip. Our friend Colin who just joined the seminary a few months ago gave us a tour along with Fr. Brian and our other seminarian friend José. I really felt somewhat of a calling there. When I was walking down the halls and as I listened to descriptions of seminary & priesthood life, I really thought to myself, "I could totally do this. This seems to be the life for me. I like it! I was on fire." I was really attracted to the priesthood more than ever right then and there.
"was" is a key word. What happened you ask? Well let me tell you... so we were walking through the seminary library, and as I turned a small corner, I caught a glimpse of this young lady cataloguing books in a little office and she looked up and when she saw me, she smiled at me. She was kinda cute... and i was like... FREAKIN.
The major appeal of the religious life kinda left me at that point. I thought, "danng, i could never be able to concentrate in the library if I were a seminarian there!" talk about distractions. that's it.
I may have some serious celibacy issues... hahahaha... Colin never mentioned that part of his life.
Anyway, someone pray for me cuz.. haha, yeah. i'm confoosed again.

And another thing... just to affirm something I realized this evening: I don't want to get in the way of anyone's happiness. I'm moving on ever so slowly.

~Benjamin 12/03/2006 12:53:00 PM

~ mercredi, novembre 29, 2006 ~

... and my hands are warm again!!! =D

~Benjamin 11/29/2006 10:58:00 PM

WOW

This is gonna be a big change of tone since the post I last wrote a few hours ago.
I just came from RCIA at St. James Church and I'm actually quite happy now. I feel like a new man. Reading scripture, doing some thinking and praying, socializing with new friends... it was amazing... and the food that Ivan Toscano & I brought... it really worked out.
Many thanks to Mary-Catherine for being such a cool friend... she doesn't ever know it and I don't tell her but she always succeeds in putting a smile on my face.. whether she means to or not.
So anyway...
I slowly drove by Newman on my way home and I suddenly started to feel bad again.. especially because of what I saw there on the front lawn. But when I passed the chapel and turned the corner, this song came on the radio.. that Natasha Bedingfield song, Unwritten.
I never paid attention to the lyrics of that song.. I always thought of it as some stupid girly pop music that didn't make any sense... but noo.. it's a really good song!! It totally lifted my mood... and the lyrics are really meaningful!! I love the choir in the background... now here's a song that's untainted with memories... just a happy uplifting song.. and the beginning reminds me of my paper that I have to write.
I'm gonna start my paper now... with clearer mind, thank God.

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned...

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten ...

~Benjamin 11/29/2006 10:26:00 PM

THAT TIME OF MONTH

I'm pissed right now..
...but I don't know why.

What a terrible day.. I'm irritable!
I'm moody... and I'm not in the mood for anything. I've been cussing under my breath for no apparent reason and I've been mean to people.
I want to crawl under a rock and die quietly. I think a higher power is angry with me... and this must be PUNISHMENT. I must've done something real bad.
To top it off...
My hands are COLD. They're rarely cold... but they are now. Maybe it's to go along with my cold heart.

you just wanna tell me "GET OVER IT". Well I am and I will.

btw... Andie, Jamie, Amy, Stephanie, Rowena, & Jacqueline are cool people. They make for good friends. Even though they got a lot of stuff happen to them, they still manage.

Bishop- Don't worry, haven't forgotten about ya, buddy. Hope you had a good thanksgiving, bro.

HEY -, SHUT THE FREAK UP!! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I DON'T WANNA LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE. LET ME BE. YOU GIVE THE WORST UNWELCOME ADVICE I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I NEVER WANT TO LISTEN TO ANY MORE OF YOUR OPINIONS AND PERSPECTIVES. YOU'VE NEVER HELPED ME REALIZE MYSELF... AND YOU'VE CAUSED ONLY MORE PAIN AND FRUSTRATION.
MY LIFE WOULD HONESTLY BE BETTER HAD WE NEVER MET.

~Benjamin 11/29/2006 04:16:00 PM

En memoire de Floy Catabas (1932-2002)